Never, EVER, Take 3 Preschoolers to a Fabric Store.

Sorry, no pictures today, but my day was anything boring...

So tomorrow is Mr. Smarty's birthday, so I thought it would be fun to take the three kiddos to Brand New Sports Superstore for some little things Mr. Smarty could use for his new favorite sport. Two stories of sports related paraphernalia-but did they have what we were looking for? Nope.

But since we were out, and Our Favorite Used Bookstore was just down the road, not even a mile, I figured we should check there for books on his new sport. After 2 trips to the bathroom, three if you count the trip to go back and get Belle's purse, we found nada books for dada.

Okay, so sorry, Mr. Smarty, I'm out of ideas for the kids....maybe they can make you something later today, when they recover wake up. Now, as long as we're out, I'm thinking I'll just run in Fancy Fabric Store....oh, and I have my coupon in my purse..how perfect! Now this is where my outing gets interesting, so stick with me.

So I'm looking at the clearance decor fabric-and found some awesome red and gold fabric for $3/yd! And without even moving my cart, I am next to the trim which was all on sale. So Boo's in the cart, Baby's in the cart. Now just Baby's in the cart. Boo and Belle are playing hide and seek. I'm still looking for the perfect trim. I know, Mother of the Year, I am not. After a few ineffective, "Belle, Boo, stay by the cart, please." what do I hear? The unmistakable sound of a ceramic pot breaking...Thanks older kids...I know it's wasn't Baby. He's in the cart.

So I pick it up, the big chuncks anyway, and look for a price. $24.99. Nice. I look around, hoping to see a Clearance sign or Freebie sign. No signs. Rats. Then I look at how bad it's broken. If I'm paying for it, (with my coupon, right?) I'm hoping I'm going to just LOVE it and want to superglue it as soon as we get home and find a spot for it. Ehhh, it's o. k. whatever.

Now I realize I'm bleeding. Yup, and for those of you who know me in real life, guess where I'm bleeding? That's right-my thumb...other hand this time. Okay, blood everywhere, kids everywhere. No Fancy Fabric employees to be found. N. E. WHERE. I ask another customer...they don't speak English. I ask another one, "Can you please find someone who works here? so i can stay and guard my puddles?"

Finally some clerks come ask me if I need to call 911. "No, thanks, but can I have a band-aid?"

Then one helpful clerk ask, "Did it just break all by itself?" Wow, her concern was underwhelming-really, it took me back.

Later in the car, I thought I should have said, "Yup. We were just minding our business, and the pot jumped off the shelf, broke and sliced my finger. You really should look into whether its a good idea to stock those pots in your store." But I fessed up. My kids were still running wild anyway, it was the most believable option we had.

So to the store's credit, there is one super nice clerk. She is Mrs. Claus to me. You know, Santa's wifey? She wearing red, and has an apron on it with band-aids and-truly-LOLLIPOPS. BOO becomes a saint with a lollipop in his mouth. Why don't I shop with lollipops? Why don't I have an apron permanently attached to my waist filled with an unending supply of lollipops? Anyway, she tells me to go wash my hands and that she would watch my banshees, offspring. As soon as I get back, put a fresh band-aid on, and attempt to gather my chicks, Super Nice Clerk says something like, "She doesn't look too good." Not about me, but Belle, who "gets really tired" at the sight of blood. Yup, 3-2-1-and she's out. On the floor. Blue lips, white face. PASSED OUT. On the floor of Fancy Fabrics. While Boo is still playing Hide-and-Seek all by himself (aforementioned lollipops have not been pulled out yet). Okay, so Super-Mom that I am, I hand crying Baby over to my most trusted Super Nice Clerk, aka, Mrs. Claus, who I've known for all of what, 5 minutes now? I get on the floor and sweetly ask Belle to get up and help me out here. Nope, not budging. So I plop her almost-5-year-old body (ever so gently) in the cart, next to the trim and fabric I am slowly realizing will not come home with me today. Retrieve Baby, put him in the cart. With the fabric and trim who will not be coming home with me today...did I mention that already? I'm mourning my loss and wondering what I was thinking bringing all three kiddos with me. And also wondering if I will ever be able to come back, or will all the invisible-until-there-is-a-scene-employees remember me FOREVER?

So now I'm home and as I type, the kids are running around like they've been given candy. And it just hits me, Boo and Baby were given lollipops and Belle got a Sprite from a drive thru once she woke up enough to drink something. Yeah, that oughta teach them a lesson.